Dating Ad Exchange
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This section will not address safe sex. Rather, our goal here is to show both men, but especially women, how to enjoy your dating experiences without fear of running into some whacko. Here you'll find some basic safety tips that your parents will surely appreciate your reading. Men will find this section helpful as well. Almost any man has sisters or female friends he may want to share this information with. They can also use this information, suggesting these items themselves, in an effort to make their dates feel more comfortable meeting with them for the first time.
Some of these tips are just common sense, but they bear repeating. They primarily cover your first few dates with someone as this is when we learn who a person truly is. By making sure you don't place yourself in unsafe situations, you save yourself from the probability of a few scary experiences.
It's important to point out that most men are safe, honorable gentlemen. It is not these types to be wary of, but the few predatory weirdos out there who should never be given a chance to succeed.
1) Don't Judge a Book by its Cover
Ted Bundy was a very likable and attractive guy. But behind the good looks was a very sick and twisted animal. O.J. Simpson has a very likeable personality, but he is an admitted wife beater or who knows what else. This is not to say that you can't trust anyone, rather that you shouldn't trust someone just because they look safe. This is particularly true of strangers. Often we date strangers as a way of getting to know them. The time to make your judgement on the safety factor of that individual is after you've gotten to know them better. There is no such thing as a person that looks safe enough to disregard your common sense.
2) Introductions or Opinions of Friends
If you are introduced by a friend, or know a mutual friend who's opinion you can solicit, you have a greater safety factor on your side. This is not to say you disregard common sense. You should never do that. But at least you have a better idea of the person you are about to go out with. Ask and seek answers of the history of this person before jumping in a car with them to go on a date.
3) Meet in a Public Place
This allows you to first experience your date in a relatively safe place. By meeting them there, you both have separate transportation and can leave immediately at any sign of trouble. Getting together for coffee is a nice casual way to get to know someone. Make it in a public place with other activities in the immediate vicinity so that if they seem interesting you can propose extending your time together. If the location you plan has inconvenient or unsafe parking structures, pick another or spend a few more bucks to valet park. Remember, safety is the primary concern.
4) Listen For Any Hint of an Abusive Personality
Do they talk about previous relationships where they "smacked" around their mate for this or that? Do they tell stories of current friends who've done that? Do they make comments involving physical violence in a matter of fact way when discussing normal topics? Watch for signs of this very unhealthy, but more and more common place personality flaw? You don't need to over analyze, but just listen for trouble spots. Even if you find yourself in a relationship, if you ever fear for your safety, chances are EXTREMELY HIGH that you should get the heck out of there. This mental flaw can be hidden intentionally by your mate until you are more deeply involved with them. Physically abusive people are more likely to be male, but there are also women who think nothing of throwing objects, scratching faces, slapping and hitting the man they are involved with. This doesn't show passion, it shows sickness, and they, as well as a man with that problem, should also seek help immediately.
5) Be Wary of Drinking Too Much
There are some dishonorable men who would think nothing of forcing themselves on you in this weakened state. Alcohol is a depressant and lowers inhibitions, but more importantly it can leave you in a state where you aren't in control of what happens or where you're taken to. Drinking to excess is always a bad idea on a first date. As of late there is an alarming trend of drinks being spiked by a variety of drugs that can leave you in a state to where you might not even know what happens. The drugs essentially makes you appear quite drunk and makes you pass out. Suddenly you have no control. In most cases the reason for the drugging is rape. It has nothing to do with sex as there is no consent asked for, and intercourse with an unconscious, non-consenting woman is an act of violence. One can only imagine the pathetic, scumball men who practice this crime. Thankfully they are only a very small percentage, but it is a wise idea to hold your drink close, and get a new one if you've been away from your table.
6) Trust your instincts
Women have very good intuitive powers. Use yours to keep yourself out of dangerous situations. If a situation or plan doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to rock the boat with your date. Suggest something else or come up with a plausible excuse to change the plans. Honorable men don't always see the threat that women have in their lives so sometimes you have to take control in these matters. Men, after all, are used to living in a world where they are the largest beings, often times twice the weight of their female counterparts. A good man won't see himself as a possible threat to you as he knows in his heart that he's not. That's why it is often up to the woman to make sure common sense rules the day.
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| Posted By Drew at 11:11:33 AM EST |
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This is most often thought of as a male trait, but more and more women are also exhibiting signs of this affliction commitment. It can sabotage even the most ardent lovers. It can paralyze a person with fear to the point of losing the person they love. For the frustrated lover who ends up leaving, they have often wasted months or years of their life waiting for the other to change. A futile attempt unless the person first realizes their fears are irrational and also becomes determined to work through their phobia. Without cooperation on this most basic level, the phobic lover is destined to start new relationships, never being able to make any attachments that last.
Everyone has been guilty of commitment at some point in life. Persons that are very young shouldn't necessarily run off to the altar. It can take time and experience for young people to truly know what they are looking for in a lifetime partner. Teenagers often feel that their first love will never be surpassed. For those lucky few where this is in fact the case, we wish you luck, but waiting to marry will not harm such a strong union.
Some people are resigned to the fact that they are not ready or able to make a commitment. Obviously, living in a free country, it is most certainly their prerogative. However, when a person, realizing that potential love partners are not exactly enamored with this trait, chooses to lie about their feelings, then they have stepped over a line. This line separates the good people from those willing to do anything to get what they want.
Most everyone wants a relationship to some degree. But it's the degree that a person wants it that can make a big difference to most. If your love is willing to honestly accept your level of commitment, everything is fine. Whatever happens between the two of you is the responsibility of both. But when one person lies about what they are looking for, the other will happily plod along, thinking a future exists when it really doesn't. This is nothing short of cruel. You have taken the most special bond between a couple and obliterated it beyond recognition. You have lost all semblance of trust between you, and you deserve no less than to lose the love you have conned the other into giving you.
On the other side of this coin, there are those who hear their partners statements that they aren't looking for a commitment, and simply choose to ignore them. Sometimes they think that they will be able to change the person into wanting a relationship. If this is the case that person deserves exactly what he or she gets. They have been forewarned by their partner in an honest and descent fashion. The fact that they ignored it is not the fault of the one trying to avoid commitment. It all comes down to personal responsibility. Honest sharing of how you feel on this subject will serve as a message that you are taking responsibility for your part of the relationship. The other person must also then take theirs. It actually is true that the truth shall set you free.
For those of you out there who realize you have a problem with commitment and hate the negative things it has brought to your life, there is hope. Recognizing that you feel you may have a problem is the first important step. Make a list of your past relationships and explore within yourself how each has been negatively effected by your fear of commitment. Has it cost you a relationship you still miss to this day? If so, getting to the root of your fear may often help you to conquer it. Examine your worst examples of relationships throughout your life. Would that be your parents? Your relatives, friends or neighbors? Where is your idea of commitment coming from? And what about those examples leads you to avoid commitment? Try to find other good examples of successful relationships and model your new ideas after those.
If that sounds too easy, well, for most people it might be. Some will find this issue too great to tackle on their own and may need to seek professional counseling. Only you will know whether conquering this fear will be worth the price in money and time that you would have to pay.
For some it may be worth examining the qualities of the 'C-word' word in itself. How you view it can often be the problem. Is committing to someone a loss of freedom, or a strengthening of the bond of trust between you? It's saying, I'm going to be true to you because I love you and want to be with you. You can add a 'forever' to the end of that, but is it really necessary. Forever is just a word, but it strikes fear in many people. Can anyone truly expect to live up to that? Some couples do, but judging by divorce rates across the country, many are not able to. The basic idea is that you make the effort to make it true. Having a commitment to someone is never a guarantee that it will last forever. Rather it shows that both parties are resolved to try and make it work. It shows that at the first sign of trouble, one or both won't just pack it up and leave. This has a profound effect on the stability of any relationship and adds strength and importance to it as well.
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| Posted By Drew at 6:09:09 PM EST |
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